And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
