plz talk dirty to me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
