Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
