My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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