does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
