Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
