Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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