it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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