sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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