Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
These tits shall not be calmed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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