so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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