We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
