I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have post one night stand depression
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