My first STD was from a foam party
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
