my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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