You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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