someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
