I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
