Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
