two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
