I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
