he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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