And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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