Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
