dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
