I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
