I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
