I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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