i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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