Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
