I cannot find my penis.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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