His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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