Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
