Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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