Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
