Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
