One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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