So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
