i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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