He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
