he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
