Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
