flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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