I faked an abortion last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
