I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
