my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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