i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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