I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
