she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
