I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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