Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
