Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
